Thank you so much for sharing. I’m curious to know whether you’ve explored psychedelics and the research on psychedelic therapy? There is a lot of research on it and a place I’d recommend to start would be Michael Pollan’s book “How to Change Your Mind”. I think you might be interested in that. Please let me know if you end up reading. Thank you for your refreshing brutal honesty!
Oh, Laura. Your father and mine are certainly from the same tribe. I carry many of the same wounds and much of the same trauma, especially the determination to never allow myself to lose control with anything or anyone. I have done a lot of healing, but there's no question Dad's alcoholism severely impacted my brother and I in toxic ways. He did get sober when we were children, but the behavior -- the narcissism and abuse, the bullying, the contempt, did not stop with his drinking. I warned my sons about the family genetics (alcoholics and suicides in many generations), but my beloved eldest son is an opioid and alcohol addict. As you say, I know one day the phone is going to ring and he'll be gone. There are no words for my helpless grief. I tried to warn him, but ultimately we cannot save others from themselves. A terrible truth. You are not alone. I agree that we must all take responsibility for our agency. I had the power to choose not to drink -- ever -- in case I would not be able to stop. My son does not drink because I did. He drinks because he chose to start drinking. Breaking the pattern is the courageous thing to do, the only thing we have the power to do, and we've done that. We have chosen. I salute your strength and courage. There are many of us out there. Hold your head up and go on.
Powerful, insightful and thought provoking of the legacy addiction leaves. I love that you focus on being present for the people in your life. I feel for you meeting your dad that time. That must have been so hard 💕
This piece makes me want to return to Gabor Maté's work, which I first read when I was trying to understand my own DNA and inherent "compulsions." Here's a quote from In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts that I've thought about quite often over the years..
“The difference between passion and addiction is that between a divine spark and a flame that incinerates.”
― Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction
Thank you for this essay--and its timeliness in the aftermath of Matthew Perry's death...I listened to his book on Audible when it came out...he worked so hard to conquer his own "Hungry Ghosts"....
Amazing reflection. Thank you for these truths and the hard earned lessons. It is not an easy journey to grow up with an addicted parent. I had the same experience and holy moly, it affects our lives and our choices.
I am grateful to read your musings. I am now 51 years old and at one point I didn’t think I’d make it past 21. My mother’s addiction was rough and hardcore but if there is a silver lining anywhere it is that it also made me look so deep inside and it seems like this was the only way generational healing could happen. That this ancestral abuse and suffering had to stop somewhere and it stopped with me.
I am sorry for your experience and I’m grateful that you share so freely and honestly about it.
Wonderful piece. The point about agency is so true and, as a therapist, I know that it counts for a lot more than any methodology or theory. The therapeutic relationship has much the same leverage. What I think upsets active addicts is the idea that we are telling them "Just stop" when really we are telling them, "You can stop." In order to find sobriety it's necessary to find your way towards seeing yourself as something other than "victim". Thank you for this.
Thank you for your raw, honest words.
Thank you.
I love your raw and powerful voice. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Mo!
Thank you so much for sharing. I’m curious to know whether you’ve explored psychedelics and the research on psychedelic therapy? There is a lot of research on it and a place I’d recommend to start would be Michael Pollan’s book “How to Change Your Mind”. I think you might be interested in that. Please let me know if you end up reading. Thank you for your refreshing brutal honesty!
Oh, Laura. Your father and mine are certainly from the same tribe. I carry many of the same wounds and much of the same trauma, especially the determination to never allow myself to lose control with anything or anyone. I have done a lot of healing, but there's no question Dad's alcoholism severely impacted my brother and I in toxic ways. He did get sober when we were children, but the behavior -- the narcissism and abuse, the bullying, the contempt, did not stop with his drinking. I warned my sons about the family genetics (alcoholics and suicides in many generations), but my beloved eldest son is an opioid and alcohol addict. As you say, I know one day the phone is going to ring and he'll be gone. There are no words for my helpless grief. I tried to warn him, but ultimately we cannot save others from themselves. A terrible truth. You are not alone. I agree that we must all take responsibility for our agency. I had the power to choose not to drink -- ever -- in case I would not be able to stop. My son does not drink because I did. He drinks because he chose to start drinking. Breaking the pattern is the courageous thing to do, the only thing we have the power to do, and we've done that. We have chosen. I salute your strength and courage. There are many of us out there. Hold your head up and go on.
I'm sorry Jennifer that's very, very hard. But thank you for leaving such a thoughtful and generous comment.
This was heartbreaking to read but gave so much food for thought - thank you so much for sharing your experience, Laura.
What a beautifully written piece.
Wow!
Powerful, insightful and thought provoking of the legacy addiction leaves. I love that you focus on being present for the people in your life. I feel for you meeting your dad that time. That must have been so hard 💕
Wonderful piece. Thanks for Sharing
Wow, that was a little breath taking. Thanks for sharing this.
This piece makes me want to return to Gabor Maté's work, which I first read when I was trying to understand my own DNA and inherent "compulsions." Here's a quote from In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts that I've thought about quite often over the years..
“The difference between passion and addiction is that between a divine spark and a flame that incinerates.”
― Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction
Thank you for this essay--and its timeliness in the aftermath of Matthew Perry's death...I listened to his book on Audible when it came out...he worked so hard to conquer his own "Hungry Ghosts"....
Thank you for sharing this. I’m the only one from my family of origin who has escaped addiction. It is a lonely life.
You did well. And you can open up to other people. Sometimes we have no choice.
Amazing reflection. Thank you for these truths and the hard earned lessons. It is not an easy journey to grow up with an addicted parent. I had the same experience and holy moly, it affects our lives and our choices.
I am grateful to read your musings. I am now 51 years old and at one point I didn’t think I’d make it past 21. My mother’s addiction was rough and hardcore but if there is a silver lining anywhere it is that it also made me look so deep inside and it seems like this was the only way generational healing could happen. That this ancestral abuse and suffering had to stop somewhere and it stopped with me.
I am sorry for your experience and I’m grateful that you share so freely and honestly about it.
Thank you Marcus, and for sharing.
This was powerful. Thank you for sharing all of it, including the cheesy pouffes! You are an inspiration to me as a reader and on my writing journey.
That's kind of you Melanie - thanks! Cheesy pouffes are the very devil!
This is an excellent piece - thank you for sharing your experience ❤️
Wonderful piece. The point about agency is so true and, as a therapist, I know that it counts for a lot more than any methodology or theory. The therapeutic relationship has much the same leverage. What I think upsets active addicts is the idea that we are telling them "Just stop" when really we are telling them, "You can stop." In order to find sobriety it's necessary to find your way towards seeing yourself as something other than "victim". Thank you for this.
Thank you Graham.