Both of you have more or less said that comparing yourselves (in whatever metric) to others is a mistake. It is in fact a recipe for misery. There will always be people who outflank you in most if not all categories. That’s the way it is. So what? In this respect, you can’t change the way it is. Therefore, for happiness, you must change your perspective.
In a highly stratified society like the UK, people with imposter syndrome will feel awkward. People who don’t give a damn will be accepted for themselves on their own terms.
I am Irish. I came from a middle-class family in so far as that had any meaning in 1950 in Ireland when I was born. I qualified as a veterinary surgeon from Trinity College Dublin in 1974 and migrated to the greater opportunities of London. I practiced there for 45 years and then I sold up and moved to Somerset where I now live. It never crossed my mind to value myself by comparison with anyone other than myself yesterday.
I am lucky enough to have a very close and supportive family and one of the things that gives me pleasure is that very many of my veterinary staff are still happy to meet me for dinner when I go up to London, which means I did something right by them.
My life has not been all roses and success. I have been robbed, cheated on, disappointed and occasionally very broke, but you know, if life was one success after another, there would be no fun at all in that.
Very interesting. I have often wondered too about what constitutes success and assumed it highly subjective. It's probably not as subjective as I think it is, though.
I think I have quite a low bar for what constitutes success but also quite a clear conception of what I think it is. I am certainly often accused of being an underachiever and I am well aware that I do not like being in charge of things or having too high a public profile. I’ve run two organisations & it was just very stressful and sucked the joy out of life. I’ve had a large social media following & it consumed my life and I deactivated my account.
I find a lot of satisfaction in keeping my life small and simple & this has frustrated some of my friends and family who think I could do more with it - be more prominent, make more money. Some have accused me of being afraid of success and attributed this to low self-confidence, but I’m not convinced by that. I just don’t think not being rich and famous is something I’d regret on my deathbed. I certainly wouldn’t regret having not spent more of my life working.
I once had a particularly excruciating interview that I didn’t realise was one. I had assumed a wealthy philanthropist wanted to have lunch with me because he was having a CSJ problem he wanted my advice on but actually he wanted to know if I wanted to do anything big with my life that he would consider worth funding. He fired questions at me about my goals, aims and ambitions until, in the end, I got very overwhelmed and shouted (yes, literally), “I just want to be left alone to write things!”
I think that moment really distilled for me what my understanding of success is. I want to be left alone to write things. And earn just enough money from writing things to do that. Ideally, in a tiny cottage by the sea. With Labradors. I could earn enough money to do that by writing for other people, but then they’d edit me and also give me topics to write about and I don’t want either of those things.
And then there’s the care work thing. For 17 years, I was a care worker helping elderly and disabled people live fulfilling lives with dignity and I loved that job. I very much enjoy meeting people in this context of supporting them to achieve what they want to achieve. It’s incredibly rewarding. I think that the consulting I do for people in danger of cancellation fulfils that need in a different context. It’s ideal for me because I am working with others but also have autonomy and an independent role at the same time.
I think the closest I get to the most common understanding of success in my field is that I want the thinkers whom I most respect to know who I am and respect me. I have achieved this. There are four people who I consider to be my most respected thinkers and the most influential on my own thinking and they all now know who I am and respect my work. This makes me very happy.
Here is the Helen recipe for what I would consider a successful life:
1) Being able to write about the things I want to write about and earn enough money from this to cover my living expenses.
2) Spending part of my time working with others but in an independent consulting/supporting capacity, not a leading one.
3) Not working too much! Having time to explore various hobbies. At the moment I am learning Old Norse and to read and write in runes.
4) Having my thinking & principles respected by the people whose thinking & principles I respect.
5) Having a small cosy home by the sea and near forests and rivers, and a small cosy family to share it with me that includes a dog.
Both of you have more or less said that comparing yourselves (in whatever metric) to others is a mistake. It is in fact a recipe for misery. There will always be people who outflank you in most if not all categories. That’s the way it is. So what? In this respect, you can’t change the way it is. Therefore, for happiness, you must change your perspective.
In a highly stratified society like the UK, people with imposter syndrome will feel awkward. People who don’t give a damn will be accepted for themselves on their own terms.
I am Irish. I came from a middle-class family in so far as that had any meaning in 1950 in Ireland when I was born. I qualified as a veterinary surgeon from Trinity College Dublin in 1974 and migrated to the greater opportunities of London. I practiced there for 45 years and then I sold up and moved to Somerset where I now live. It never crossed my mind to value myself by comparison with anyone other than myself yesterday.
I am lucky enough to have a very close and supportive family and one of the things that gives me pleasure is that very many of my veterinary staff are still happy to meet me for dinner when I go up to London, which means I did something right by them.
My life has not been all roses and success. I have been robbed, cheated on, disappointed and occasionally very broke, but you know, if life was one success after another, there would be no fun at all in that.
Very interesting. I have often wondered too about what constitutes success and assumed it highly subjective. It's probably not as subjective as I think it is, though.
I think I have quite a low bar for what constitutes success but also quite a clear conception of what I think it is. I am certainly often accused of being an underachiever and I am well aware that I do not like being in charge of things or having too high a public profile. I’ve run two organisations & it was just very stressful and sucked the joy out of life. I’ve had a large social media following & it consumed my life and I deactivated my account.
I find a lot of satisfaction in keeping my life small and simple & this has frustrated some of my friends and family who think I could do more with it - be more prominent, make more money. Some have accused me of being afraid of success and attributed this to low self-confidence, but I’m not convinced by that. I just don’t think not being rich and famous is something I’d regret on my deathbed. I certainly wouldn’t regret having not spent more of my life working.
I once had a particularly excruciating interview that I didn’t realise was one. I had assumed a wealthy philanthropist wanted to have lunch with me because he was having a CSJ problem he wanted my advice on but actually he wanted to know if I wanted to do anything big with my life that he would consider worth funding. He fired questions at me about my goals, aims and ambitions until, in the end, I got very overwhelmed and shouted (yes, literally), “I just want to be left alone to write things!”
I think that moment really distilled for me what my understanding of success is. I want to be left alone to write things. And earn just enough money from writing things to do that. Ideally, in a tiny cottage by the sea. With Labradors. I could earn enough money to do that by writing for other people, but then they’d edit me and also give me topics to write about and I don’t want either of those things.
And then there’s the care work thing. For 17 years, I was a care worker helping elderly and disabled people live fulfilling lives with dignity and I loved that job. I very much enjoy meeting people in this context of supporting them to achieve what they want to achieve. It’s incredibly rewarding. I think that the consulting I do for people in danger of cancellation fulfils that need in a different context. It’s ideal for me because I am working with others but also have autonomy and an independent role at the same time.
I think the closest I get to the most common understanding of success in my field is that I want the thinkers whom I most respect to know who I am and respect me. I have achieved this. There are four people who I consider to be my most respected thinkers and the most influential on my own thinking and they all now know who I am and respect my work. This makes me very happy.
Here is the Helen recipe for what I would consider a successful life:
1) Being able to write about the things I want to write about and earn enough money from this to cover my living expenses.
2) Spending part of my time working with others but in an independent consulting/supporting capacity, not a leading one.
3) Not working too much! Having time to explore various hobbies. At the moment I am learning Old Norse and to read and write in runes.
4) Having my thinking & principles respected by the people whose thinking & principles I respect.
5) Having a small cosy home by the sea and near forests and rivers, and a small cosy family to share it with me that includes a dog.